Relationships are like protecting your toes from snubbing to a corner of the table every now and then; exhilarating, adventurous, and a unique experience. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, and we know how that little pinky toe of ours keeps getting in the way of a peaceful and soothing outing. Let’s dive deep into setting boundaries: protecting your energy in every relationship.
Relationships are never a piece of cake; they were never meant to be. The joy lies in maneuvering around and making sure you don’t LET THAT CAKE HAVE A PIECE OF YOU.
This maneuver is related to maintaining boundaries and preserving that precious peace of yours. Have you ever felt your privacy being invaded? How did you tackle it?
WHY DO I NEED BOUNDARIES?
That is a good question, and it certainly needs some contemplation and thought process to fully answer it. You need boundaries for a multitude of reasons, some of them being:
Identity and boundaries:
You need boundaries to retain your identity. Identity is like a diamond, and an identity crisis is like having a robber sleep next to it.
The basic feeling of knowing who you are and knowing what you want is something extraordinary.
Good mental and emotional health:
It is one of the most important reasons you should know when to say no and how to say no. The lack of it leads to unprecedented complications, according to studies.
Avoiding manipulation:
A light head matters the most when you have goals and passions you want to pursue without any hindrances. Manipulative behaviors detract and make you question yourself and your abilities. It’s better to address them right at the start.
These were a few basic reasons to have you stepping up in terms of your relationships.
TYPES OF BOUNDARIES
After knowing the purpose behind setting boundaries, let’s discuss the types in order for you to address the elephant in the room.
NO! THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM IS NOT YOUR PARTNER. It’s a term used to state the importance of a pending problem. The following types are generally seen in relationships.
Physical boundaries:
Physical boundaries are necessary to limit the amount of physical freedom and intimacy you allow your partner to have. If it disturbs your comfort zone, you should certainly make it clear.
It’s a classic scenario of you choosing to prioritize your physical personal space and making it clear in order to avoid confusions and lack of self-esteem.
Emotional boundaries:
Emotional boundaries come into play when you and your partner vent emotional needs to each other. If you ever feel like it harms you in any way imaginable or if you feel like you are not in a position to handle that emotional burden, take a step aside and gain clarity on the matter.
Emotions shape our characters, and you would certainly not want your character to be shattered brick by brick.
Financial boundaries:
Financial boundaries usually arrive at the scene in adulthood and your long-term saving goals. Financial goals are as important as anything else but not more important than you feeling in control. If you are not in favor of spending money on certain things that you don’t feel the need for, it’s time to hand out a simple no.
Financial limits tend to subconsciously influence your decisions and keep you feeling secure and protected. Having common financial goals helps in the given scenario.
Let’s move on to discuss how these boundaries shift on a constant basis.
FLEXIBILITY IN BOUNDARIES
Boundaries can be flexible and constantly changing in the due course of time. Let’s consider it with an example to gain more insight on how changing boundaries is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Initially, you set loose boundaries related to finances, a sound job, and complete financial freedom. There seemed nothing wrong with that, and you were content with the way you took it along. However, due to an unfortunate turn of events, you lost your job.
You decided to restrict financial expenditures and make way for some important financial decisions. This sudden change in the boundary is completely normal, and good communication with your partner and family members can help you enforce this decision.
Similarly, you used to help your friend by being there for them and providing them a safe zone to vent out. This helped you foster a strong connection with them and build on a strong foundation.
However, some circumstances changed, and you no longer feel comfortable receiving that emotional burden onto yourself. You decide to have some boundaries for the sake of your own mental peace. This is completely normal, and you are not being toxic.
Now that we know, boundaries don’t have to be rigid; their flexibility serves their purpose better.
“You won’t find the same person twice, not even in the same person.”
Let’s move on to the next step, i.e., knowing how to set these boundaries effectively.
HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES?
It all has trickled down to this, the final blow to the hot iron. How should I set boundaries? Is it even possible without compromising the relationship?
One way to set healthy boundaries is to enforce them through your actions. This will help in getting the partner/people associated with you to be comfortable with your decisions and autonomy in making them. Showing them what you want is better than simply narrating it.
Restating your needs is another way to help them acknowledge and respect your decisions. It all comes down to communication in the end. How effectively you communicate will say a lot about how your relationship proceeds.
Another pathway in the plethora of pathways is you stating consequences if they fail to abide by your comfort zone. It doesn’t have to be a harsh one, but it should be visible enough to let them know you mean it.
Consistency is the key here; you have to be consistent with what you want and constantly demarcate the boundaries wherever needed. Your boundaries should align with your principles at all times. Clearing your expectations is also one way to do it.
Let them know you expect alot of them and see them try to uphold that notion in the best of their efforts.
WHAT IF OTHERS SET THEM?
What if others set the boundaries on me? How should I perceive it, and what should my response be? It is another valid question. You can respond by:
Listening carefully and understanding it as a part of their needs and giving them the room and space they desire.
Acknowledging and committing to improve it the next time around and apologizing if you unintentionally invaded their cubicle.
We have covered all the basics; let’s top it all off with a conclusion.
CONCLUSION
In a nutshell, boundaries are important to preserve healthy relationships, maintain peace, and keep your self-esteem high. They do not mean toxicity and harm. Respecting each other’s physical, emotional, and financial boundaries can help strengthen the bond even more.
Calling a spade a spade and pointing out the problems are the first steps in improvement. Learning to say no can help preserve your mental peace to the fullest.
Flexibility and change are a permanent part of it, and it should be upheld without any doubt. Boundaries serve as fences to guard the wild horses of relationship and ensure growth and progress.
“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” ~ Joyce Meyer
How will you start setting healthy boundaries today? Reflect on one area in your relationship where boundaries are needed.
