CAN YOU REALLY FIX HIM? OR IS IT JUST A CLASSIC CASE OF SITUATIONSHIP AND RED FLAGS?
Let’s just face it; we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. Stuck between feeling loved and feeling hated, emotional freedom and emotional dependency, self-doubt and self-belief.
Situationship is just an addition to an already existing plethora of words. Words such as Seeing each other, fling, and casual dating. Let’s dive deep and discuss the conditions for it being a Red Flag. And is it really one?
WHAT IS A SITUATIONSHIP?
Knowing what situationship exactly means is a prerequisite to understanding its basics and ways to deal with it. Situationship means,
“A Relationship without any commitments”
Is it a bad thing? Not necessarily; situationships can be mutual and agreed upon based on one’s personal interests. However, mutual agreement is the catchphrase here; anything other than that inflicts a danger on mental health and peace.
Let’s discuss ways to identify it first.
HOW TO SPOT IT?
Now that we know what situationship is, it makes the next step much easier. Here are a few ways we can identify and move to a resolution ASAP.
Inconsistency:
Inarguably, being one of the prime factors, it acts as a litmus test, giving immediate results. Your partner might be inconsistent when it comes to your pursuits, and efforts might swing like a pendulum, especially in hardships, only making things worse.
“You might be nowhere near their future plans.”
Convenience:
Their efforts will be centred around their own convenience rather than your emotional needs, and you might get love only when they deem it fit. This behaviour induces a sense of lack of importance and doubt in your own abilities; hence, your insecurities grow exponentially.
“You only get love when they feel like it.”
Poor communication:
Naturally, people tend to communicate and express themselves better to the people who are important to them. That is not the case in a situationship. You don’t occupy the spot mentioned above and might not have a two-way communication channel. This deprives and suffocates you to the extent of a breakdown.
“You are only heard when they feel like it.”
Aggression:
Aggression is induced only when a certain individual feels threatened, either emotionally or physically. That is something related to power dynamics and appears as a burst of energy when they sense an uprising against their behaviour of neglect.
“You will face their anger when you call them out.”
Loneliness:
A by-product of situationship is the loneliness that accompanies it. Not feeling heard and a constant drought of expressions makes you feel drained and lonely. You might experience trouble interacting socially with other people who matter to you because of these states of extreme discomfort and self-doubt.
“You feel lonely even with other people around you.”
Gaslighting:
One of the most prominent red flags is, them gaslighting you into thinking you are the problem even when best efforts are being put in from your side for the relationship. Once this thought is carved into you, there are high chance you might actually start thinking negatively about your own self.
“They make you think you are the problem.”
Having identified the situationship and its peculiarities, let’s move on to explore some practical solutions that can help in either facing the problem or walking away from it.
THE SOLUTIONS:
Having pinpointed the major issues, here are ways to address and solve the problem. It’s a great mindset to always look for solutions, but be wary that some things are so deeply rooted that the only medication is to part ways.
Calling spade a spade:
Nothing sweeter than taking the problem head-on instead of beating around the bush. Present to them your concerns and keep an eye out for their response. You might get visible clues potent enough to decide the way forward.
Honesty:
Convey your feelings and thoughts in the most honest way possible, and observe the way they handle that. Let them know you are aware of everything and want answers and a clear path to proceed.
Reaching out to trusted people:
One way to wipe out the mist of suffocation is to contact the people you trust and ask for their advice on the situation. This might help you gain new perspectives and might make you feel understood.
Picking out indulging Hobbies and interests:
Breaking-up:
Having found strong grounds to base your decision on, it might well be the right time to get the mental burden off and spend the same energy on yourself to grow as a person.
Therapy:
Seeking professional help is sometimes a tough task considering the stereotypes and stigmas of society; however, this should not hold you back from doing what is right. It’s natural to feel hesitant but take the right step to ensure you are content with your relationship.
There is one common term used that gives either of the parties a bit of hope. Let’s explore that.
CAN I FIX HIM?
Hold on to your horses before you start counting on your abilities as a therapist.
“Certain parts of character are formed after years of upbringing and trauma, and it’s not in the best of interests to keep pursuing a lost cause.”
It certainly takes a mountainous, two-sided effort to fix such stuff, and it might not even be worth it in the end. You are better off putting that energy into achieving your goals and aspirations.
Let’s conclude all of this in simple terms.
CONCLUSION:
In a nutshell, relationships can be tricky, and in most cases people tend to ignore certain red flags under the notion of hope for a better tomorrow. Situationship, if not mutual, can affect you in traumatizing ways.
It’s important to take the right steps at the right moments to ensure you don’t lose the person inside you that makes for a unique and trademark personality.
Living in doubt and uncertainty can make or break your future; better choose what’s best for you because you only live once. If you are stuck in a Situationship, choose your well-being, as it matters the most.
“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
